If Only I hadn't
by TrippyHippieGirl
Summary: Spencer feels like she just can't deal with the emotional pain anymore,Her mom ends up feeling the same way. One-Shot Note: Contains Suicide and Abuse if these topics bother you than you probably shouldn't read this Fic


*This is kind of dark and will be a one-shot unless asked to continue

Spencers POV: I walked downstairs, I was so depressed with Toby in london and things just weren't going so well "Shes not our daughter shes a problem Veronica I have to pay for her damn rehab I don't even want ether of you I don't love ether of you" my dad yells "Shes a problem?" My mom yells he strikes her. "I'm sorry thats right I'm not your daughter no I'm not a person to you I'm just a problem" I yell upset how could my parents call me a problem I try to run away but my dad grabs my wrist and slams me into the wall. He starts spanking me he slaps me "Peter stop it get away from her!" my mom yells crying trying to pull him off me but he slams her into the ground he starts beating me "Stop your hurting me" I scream I kick him in the balls he stumbles back in pain I run upstairs in tears. I rummage through the medicine cabinet I find some Valium I pour myself a glass of water taking the items to my room I lock the door pulling out a pen some paper I write out a suicide note, I can't handle this emotional pain I pour out the bottle of Valium into my hand I put some water in my mouth and pop all of the pills in my mouth at once then I go back to writing the note which I try to keep short.

I hear a knock on my door "I'm sorry Spencer please open the door" My mom says I set the note on my desk and walk over to the door opening it "You called me a problem its like you just admitted you don't love me" I say crying "I was upset with your father for what he said hes wrong, your not a problem your my daughter Spencer I love you more than anything" She says. "I love you too mom" I say we hug practically squeezing each other "Your so precious to me sweetie" she says I kiss her on the forehead and cheek this is probably the last time I'm going to get to do that alive she kisses me back on my forehead and cheek holding my face. Now I wish I hadn't done that but its too late "I need to sit down I don't feel so great" I let go of her sitting down on my bed she sits down next to me "Are you okay?" She asks I wrap my arms around her "Don't let go of me yet" I whisper she pulls me close I find myself moving onto her lap she rocks me gently back and forth trying to calm me down. "Whats wrong honey?" She asks "I'm sorry it's too late" A wave of dizziness hits me I feel the drug kick in "If you tell me whats wrong I can help you.. Spencer?" She gives me a look of a mothers unconditional love but I see it turn to worry "I'm just tired" I say weakly.

"I'll let you get some rest then" She gets up and walks out of the room leaving me here to die alone time starts to blur my pulse slows so does my breathing I become dizzy I think about everything I'm giving up I manage to get up I take the glass on my desk and smash it I pick up a jagged piece of glass and walk back to my bed I sit down slitting my wrists. It hurts so bad but this way it'll be over faster I doubt it would have made a difference if I had gone and gotten my stomach pumped I took way to many. I lie down in bed I see red spurring out of my arms my eyes shut I feel blankness the next thing I remember is someone shaking me "Please wake up, Spencer!" my eyes open slightly "I'm so sorry mom, remember I love you always" I say "I love you too sweetheart I shouldn't have left you alone". I put my hand into hers squeezing it my eyes shut again a pang of pain hits me I let out a groan everything goes blank I feel like I'm floating up I see my mom holding me against her body shes crying.

"How could I have let this happen" I hear her say "How could I have not seen how depressed she was? I knew something was off but I brushed it off and left her alone I shouldn't of I should of seen the empty bottle of pills and taken her to the er, I should of left Peter years ago if I had none of this would of happened!" She says but this time her lips aren't moving. Suddenly I see white I see myself standing in the middle of white I feel myself collide with the image of my body I look down I see my body this time I'm in my body well obviously not my dead body its like my body split and recreated itself as a ghost.

*Switches to Veronica's POV: Spencer just committed suicide my daughter is dead how could I have let this happen to her I knew something was off with her I shouldn't of left her alone there was a bottle of pills lying on her desk but I had failed to see until I came back into her room I had heard a loud crash she had broken a glass and slit her wrists with a piece of it. If only I had noticed earlier she said she she didn't feel well then she said it was too late then she said was just tired yeah she was tired because she overdosed and took a bottle of Valium!. If I had just paid more attention I would have seen the empty bottle earlier and I would of taken her her to the er instead I left her alone and she slit her wrists I feel like I left her to die alone but she died in my arms I saw her die right in-front of me I saw her eyes shut I saw her face go pale her chest stop rising she had no pulse I was hysterical crying I still am. I let go of her I pick up the notes on her desk theirs 5 one is addressed to me I open it reading the content its depressing basically saying that she was in too much emotional pain, how much she loved me and how sorry she was but that she was in a better place now.

I collapse on the ground in tears I have nothing left to live for now Spencer was my world she was all I had I gave birth to her I watched her grow up I loved her more than anything and now shes gone my little girl is dead how could I have not noticed how depressed she was, I should of left Peter a long time ago if I had she'd probably be alive right now. Peter doesn't even love me I wonder if he ever did, He's an alcoholic who takes Valium on the side hes an abusive excuse for a husband I tried to protect Spencer from him but he kept beating her I kept trying to stop him I threatened to leave him. He said he wouldn't let me divorce him he said he'd kill Spencer and I before he'd let that happen, he didn't give her the pills but his behavior was one of the big things that lead her to it. I don't have the mental strength to keep going anymore I walk to my bedroom and rummage through the dresser I know hes probably got another bottle in here somewhere after a minute I find it I walk to the bathroom and stick my head under the faucet I turn it on and then off after taking in a mouthful of water. I sit on the floor I pour out the pills into my hand and pop them all in my mouth at once I walk back to Spencer's room a pick up a shard of glass I want to understand what she felt I push it into my arms blood drips onto the floor it hurts badly.

Suddenly Peter comes barging into the room "Which one of you took my Valium?!" He yells "Shes dead she killed herself because of what you did to her Peter!" I yell crying he slap me across the face, He starts beating me slamming me into the wall punching me in the stomach. Kicking me onto the ground I curl up a ball he kicks me against the wall my head bangs into it "F******* worthless piece of s***!" He screams he grabs my arms and twists them he keeps beating me until my eyes start to shut. The last thing I see is Spencer's lifeless body and my head smack into the floor everything goes blank I feel as if I'm leaving my body like I'm floating up I see peter standing over me from an outside view I hear him let out a manic laugh showing me just how insane he is Peter literally beat the life out of me. Suddenly I see white all around I see my body from the outside I walk into it suddenly I'm not seeing things from an outside view anymore Spencer appears in-front of me.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again" She says we pull each other into a hug "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again ether, I love you so much sweetie" I say looking at her teary eyed "I love you too mom, I really am sorry but he can't hurt us now" She says to me also looking teary eyed. "Do you know where we are?" I ask there doesn't seem to be anything but endless white around "No, I don't know what this place is but it looks like endless blank" She says "There doesn't seem to be anything around" I say suddenly Spencer disappears oh no. "Spencer where are you? Please come back I didn't mean it like that" She reappears hugging me I hold onto her "I don't know what just happened I'm scared what if we get separated?" She says "I shouldn't of left you alone before I'm not going to make that mistake again" I say. "Would you mind holding onto me for eternity?" She asks "I'd love to just as long as you hold onto me too" I respond "Of course" She says we hug even tighter locked in each others arms having just vowed never to let go of each other again.


End file.
